Next is a communication activity. I will demonstrate lots of examples of BAD communication while we are doing a drawing activity. Then, with mamas & daughters will pair up together and do a different drawing activity using GOOD communication… we hope! It’s a fun activity, although sometimes a little challenging. We discuss ‘good communication’ before, during, and after, and how to have important conversations go more smoothly. (this usually touches on things like listening, eye contact, asking questions, checking in, etc.) Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it gets frustrating… just like life! We’ll talk that, and talk about managing feelings of frustration.
Then, I will give everyone a teeny, tiny lesson on what puberty and menstruation really are.. role-modeling a matter-of-fact style of talking about our bodies. Then we will split into breakout groups, where moms and daughters will practice talking about puberty in a group with at least 1-2 other M-D pairs. (this is a change from previous workshops where everyone split up) In small groups, daughters and mothers can review the presented information, and ask questions in a more private setting. Then, daughters will interview their mothers, using provided questions. For example:
- Did you start to develop earlier, later, or about the same time as your friends?
- How did you feel about that?
- What should I do when I start my period for the first time? What if I’m at school?
Then we experiment with the pads/tampons. It’s fun (and sometimes silly or awkward) to pass the samples around. Some girls have had plenty of experience/exposure to them, but many haven’t. (I like for this part to be a surprise. If you don’t mind the surprise element, please don’t tell your daughter.)
I do a formal Q & A at the end (as well as as I go along.) I have everyone write 1 question down on a piece of paper, and I’ll read all of the questions & do my best to answer them at the end… that way if anyone has an “embarrassing” question, it can be asked anonymously. Plus, then the Mamas can slip in a question that they think their kid needs to hear an answer to–especially from someone other than them.
Things to know:
- This workshop is designed to give your daughters a little info about puberty etc. My primary goal is to get them (and you!) more comfortable talking about these topics. This is important, because you don’t want your daughters thinking that they can only talk about puberty, their bodies, sex, etc with some professional and on rare occasions (!) You want them to realize that they’ve got an expert right there in the house. Research shows us that it’s the relationship between parent and child that protects girls & helps them make healthy choices (NOT just knowing the ‘facts.’)
- The pace at which this workshop moves is designed to be best for the girls–it’s oriented to them & their attention span. Adults can sit quietly and take in a lot of info– but not teens! They do SO much better when they are actively engaged and NOT sitting quietly, so I minimize that.
- I want the girls to realize that every woman is an ‘expert’ on this. (“Expert” in that they probably have lots of experience with it, if nothing else.) It bears repeating: we don’t want your daughters thinking that they can only talk about puberty/menstruation with a professional… we want them to talk about it with you! :^)
- Please remember that puberty is the beginning of the body’s sexual maturation process. It is impossible to comprehensively educate girls about puberty without talking about reproduction… which includes sex. I don’t set out to talk about sex in this workshop, but it is a very closely related topic. I believe that the best person for your daughter to learn about sex from is you! So please consider that the time is now, if you haven’t already begun talking about sex with your daughter.
- Sex comes up about 60% of the time. (girls ask questions!) With all workshops, my default answer is to say that “Talking about where babies come from is an important lesson that most parents want to teach their kids themselves. It’s great that you are asking–but I’d bet that your mom would like to answer that herself!” With private workshops, if you prefer for me to actually give the girls a simple, real answer, please tell me so–I’d love to do that. That said, I cannot predict what the girls (or other moms) will say themselves. There is likely to be a very wide range of comfort levels, values, vocabularies, and existing knowledge in the group.
- If your daughter (or you!) are significantly uncomfortable at any point in this workshop, please let me know. I want everyone to have fun, to grow a little closer to their mother(daughter), practice talking about this tough topic, and learn a little info… you’ll see that there’s no upset or unhappiness in that plan… so please talk to me if something is wrong.
