February 2008 Archives

The February 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics has an article in it that I found to be practically earth-shaking. The journal's editors and the article's author, Alison Schonwald, MD, FAAP, review a very recent British study that looked for possible links between hyperactivity and food preservatives and/or artificial colorings. And the short answer is-they found it.

This study, which is described by the AAP editors as "a carefully conducted study in which the investigators went to great lengths to eliminate bias and to rigorously measure outcomes" concludes that there is a connection between hyperactive behavior and food preservatives (particularly sodium benzoate) and artificial food colorings.

Just to repeat myself a third time-this reliable, peer-reviewed, double-blind etc etc etc study found a connection between some of the foods that our kids eat (the junky, chemical-laden ones) and hyperactive behaviors. Wow.

Of course, this isn't news to some. Parents have anecdotally found this link themselves over the years. It's just that this is the long-awaited "scientific study" that 'proves' it.

Another interesting note in the AAP article-they state that they were skeptical in the past and now acknowledge that they were wrong.

Did you feel that tremor? ;^)

If you'd like to read the AAP article, or the full text of the original British study, they can be found here: http://www.feingold.org/aap.html Please note that I have no connection with this website nor the association behind it. (But I do think their ideas are very interesting!)

Update: Here is a link to another article describing a food-ADHD connection.

Update #2:  Here are the food colorings that were connected:

• Tartrazine (E102): Yellow food coloring

• Quinoline yellow (E104): Yellow Food coloring

• Sunset yellow (E110): Orange yellow coloring

• Carmoisine (E122): Red food coloring

• Ponceau 4R (E124): Red food coloring

• Allura red (E129): Red food coloring

• Sodium benzoate (E211): Artificial preservative

Parenting is really hard work. Some days are harder than others, and everybody loses their temper sometimes. The parents I work with acknowledge this truth, but also want to grow and change. They want to lose their tempers less frequently, and when they do succumb-they want the overall experience to be yet further muted. So how to stay calm is an important, and common topic in my office-especially for those parents who didn't have role-models for calmness in their own childhoods.

Today's post is taken with permission from the newsletter of Celebrate Calm, written by Kirk Martin. Kirk is a father who has created a program to help families, schools, and churches better respond to kids with ADHD. Here's what he says about how to keep the calm in your home:

Control yourself. Realize that we cannot control our kids, nor should we want to. Our primary job as parents is to control ourselves and model proper behavior. How many of us throw our adult tantrums when something goes wrong, then expect our children to remain calm?

Make a conscious choice to remain calm no matter what your child or spouse does. Screaming, or withdrawing emotionally, only makes the situation worse. When we are calm, we can problem solve instead of creating more problems.

Have self-respect. We are not responsible for our children's behavior, attitudes and actions. If my son is in a bad mood, so be it. I choose not to give in to or join his pity party. If your child comes into the kitchen barking orders and being rude, you are not obligated to respond. Walk away calmly, go about your business and let your child know when he's ready to talk and be polite, you'll help him with breakfast.

If my son refuses to do his homework, then he will suffer the consequences at school. Our children need to learn that they are responsible for their choices and I am responsible for mine.

Assume a calm posture. Each time I enter my teenage son's room, I ask myself, "Do I want to have a conversation or a confrontation?" Instead of standing in his doorway barking orders, I sit down and put my feet up on the ottoman. It is impossible to yell and lecture when you assume a calm posture.

Take care of yourself first before trying to take care of others. Exercise, walk your dog, pray, listen to music, whatever helps you be calm. Make a decision that no matter what your child or spouse does, you are only responsible for your actions. This liberates parents and frees children to be responsible for their choices.

Be the calm. When your home is spinning out of control, draw others into your calm by sitting down and coloring or reading a book. Let everyone else know that you are in control. You'll be surprised at how your children (and spouse!) begin to calm down once you do.

I absolutely love the image of the father sitting down in a chair, feet up, to have a conversation with his son. The tone and likely outcome of the conversation will be so much better as a result of the father's proactive choices. And actually, this trick would be useful in many different relationships-spouses included. Another trick in the same category is to purposefully slow your physical movements-a lot. This is especially true when parenting toddlers, as they absorb our energy directly. If, for example, your toddler is misbehaving and you need to pick her up-try doing it in slow-motion. It's likely that she will (a) not get even more wild in response to your response..., and (b) hopefully absorb some calm, quiet energy instead.

One final thought of my own... while all of the above suggestions are good, I suggest working on taking care of yourself first. When self care is lacking, everything else is harder to handle. It's almost impossible, for example, to stick with a conscious choice to stay calm if you're stressed, hungry, and tired to begin with. So, getting yourself back up to the 'baseline' is first, and then you can tackle the other steps.

Good luck!

"What should I do about those Bratz dolls?"

As a parenting coach, I hear this question from time to time. Many parents find them offensive--whether due to their clothing, makeup, or accessories like the party bus with a hot tub and martini glasses. It's not just parents that worry, either: the Bratz dolls were specifically named in a report by the American Psychological Association's Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls, who stated that it was "worrisome when dolls designed specifically for 4 to 8 years olds are associated with an objectified adult sexuality."

So, what's a parent to do? Refuse to buy them? Outlaw them at home? But what about when she goes to a friend's house? And she wants them for her birthday! Here are some suggestions.

Keep these thoughtz in mind:

• Remind yourself that you only get to wage a certain number of battles in your parenting lifetime--so it's smart to pick and choose them. Temper your response accordingly.
• As offensive as you may find them to be, playing with Bratz doesn't automatically do harm. Really! It's not on the scale of, say, eating lead paint. Rather, their effect is on your daughter's mind, her assumptions, her beliefs and values. And that effect, thank goodness, can be mitigated by an involved parent.
• This is a teachable moment. Consider this an engraved invitation to talk to your daughter about at least one important belief, family value, or social construct.

Actionz to take:

• Ask your daughter questions. What does she think of their clothes/makeup? How old does she think the dolls are? (Most kids say pre-teen or teen.) Does she know anyone that age who looks like that? If she saw a real-life person dressed in a short mini-skirt, fishnet stockings and a feather boa, what would she think of them? Does she think a real girl her age should dress like that? Why/why not?
• Share your concerns. Calmly discuss your top 2 or 3 complaints with your daughter. Very important note: remember to present your opinions in gentle terms. If she identifies with the dolls, and you are overly critical of them--she may well experience your criticism as personal. It might be helpful to be prepared to throw in something positive about the dolls.
• Compare and contrast how the dolls spend their time with how real pre-teens/teens spend their time. The Bratz motto is "Passion for Fashion"... ask your daughter about what she really feels passionate about. (also: where are the adults? Who bought that party bus?)

One last thought--this is an opportunity to role-model that it's possible for parent and child to disagree, to discuss calmly and to still love each other afterwards. You're planting seeds of many varieties right now--most importantly: (a) we can still discuss when we don't agree, and (b) it's good to think critically about the messages/values we encounter in our lives. Truly, those life lessons are some of the most important and healthy ones we can teach our children. Let me know how it goez.