December 2007 Archives

1. A relaxed and loving time with their family.
2. Realistic expectations about gifts
3. An evenly paced holiday season
4. Reliable family traditions

What a list, huh!?! Surely this is a "Christmas list" that any parent would love to get!

Do you feel stressed during the holidays? Well, no wonder. Our jobs, our lives, our families still require our full participation in November and December. And yet, we generally find a way to add in an amount of work equivalent to a part-time job on top of everything!

The best way to get the holiday you want is to focus on your values and priorities. Chances are, not all of your holiday activities are aligned with your values. Identify one action that neither matches your values nor brings you joy. Start there.

Involve the kids-both by telling them that you want to shape the holidays to better match your family's values, and also by having them help decide how to do that. Remind yourself that change is an incremental process, and then... make a commitment to change! Reduce, alternate, get creative, or just say no. I bet you'll be glad you did it. Let me know how it goes!

Note: I teach a class called "Simplify the Season" during the holiday/Christmas season. It's a fun, interactive workshop that helps to identify your true values and priorities for the holiday season-and helps you figure out how to celebrate in a way that is in line with those values. For more information, visit the website at www.simplifytheseason.com.

An askable parent is what you want to be. No matter what your family values about sex are, chances are that you want your child to share them. For your child to know your values, and to get accurate information, they need to feel comfortable talking with you about sex. That is an askable parent.

An Askable Parent does:

• Listen actively
• Stay on topic
• Respond positively
• Take the questions (and the child) seriously
• Stay patient and keep their answers brief
• Remain calm
• Take advantage of "teachable moments."

An Askable Parent does not:

• Laugh at irrational questions (like, "Does a pregnant lady's food fall on her baby's head?)
• Say, "Go ask your father/mother." (It's important for kids to know that they can talk about sexuality with either gender--that's good role modeling for any future heterosexual relationships.)
• Ask, "Why do you want to know?"
• Widen their eyes, tighten their neck muscles, and talk for 10 minutes straight without stopping!

Believe it or not, it's not necessary to have the perfect answer to whatever Big Question your child comes up with. Questions about sex will come up again and again, at every age and stage. That's why the most important thing that your child can learn is that you are the person to go to with their questions. Otherwise, they are likely to seek out the information from their friends--and chances are--that information will be inaccurate or even dangerous. So take a deep breath, smile, and say "oh, good question!"